To Be Blunt About Our Feelings

I'm in a dilemma. Well, my own dilemma caused by personal overthinking.

The story is as such. I have a friend who came to ask me how often do I talk to my sister (I call her Sissy). Surprisingly at that exact same time, I was just telling Sissy about the ugly hoodie my other sister (I call her Salini) has bought. The video call lasted for about 3 hours, and when I was done, I came back to my friend's 38 messages telling me about how upset she is about her sister. A summary of it is basically, she misses her sister but she thinks her sister doesn't love her as much as she does. I don't really know her sister and I don't think it's true, but I know the only person who can verify and make her feel better is her sister. 心病终须心药治 解铃还须系铃人. 

Why do I find this very distressing? Because I'm very tempted to intervene. I'm just chaotic in the way that I don't want to just provide comfort to people, I want to go all the way brainstorming and solving the issues people have. I wish I could be a ghost and just whisper all these personal thoughts and insecurities my friend is having in her sister's ears or tell her in her dreams. I can't just barge in and be involved in something I don't have any rights nor play any role in. The thing which disturbs me the most is how easy it seems that this matter could be solved: communication. And it's not just any family member, it's between sisters! Elsa and Anna in Frozen proves how strong sisterly bond is. 

When I asked my friend why couldn't she just tell her everything she has told me, and her reply was the one which sent me into this whirlpool of thoughts. She said, she has given hints and indirectly telling her how she feels through sarcasms and jokes, being more blunt would just make both of them sad. I think this is ridiculous but makes sense at the same time, and it got me into thinking, why is it so hard to just tell people how we feel sometimes.

I think it's because we fear we might not have the benefit of that tiny little doubt anymore, people confirming our worst assumptions. But I don't think the answer is not that simple as well. Why do we make things so complex anyways? A sudden thought came up while I'm writing this, maybe we are not afraid of the answers, maybe we're afraid we were wrong to have those questions in the first place, dismissing us being dramatic and sensitive. Like a child who is told to be wrong for asking a philosophical question. I guess that's how I usually feel. 

I think I'm quite blunt to people I know for certain care about me. Sometimes I do know my questions may make people uncomfortable and sometimes so risky that I consider preparing my suitcase just in case the embarassment requires exile, but I don't want to mope around when it could be all just a misunderstanding. I'd ask my friend what she meant by 'lol' to a serious thing I've just said, or I'd tell her that what she said hurt my feelings even when I worry that her answer might be 'lol'.

Questions need answers, and people who can answer them are alive and walking around, I don't want to come up with my own worst-case senarios answers to soften the blow that will never come, and just hang in there with a rope I suspended myself from. I want to just get it over with, having the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head is more agonising. Can you imagine if life is such that death is uncertain and to be kept on your toes your whole life, wondering whether you should live life to the fullest because time is limited or just chill for 300 years doing nothing. 

I'm very lucky that I know I can always be honest and straightforward with my sisters. I hope people know they can be blunt with me too, telling me I'm being rude when I am or that they think I don't care. It surprised me once when a friend just straight up confronted me on how I'm wasn't doing my part as a friend to keep the friendship. I didn't even know she felt that way but after some self-reflection, I could see why and I thank her for that benfit of the doubt given to me. But beware, being straightforward and honest may come with a high risk of being hurt, we live in a messed up world where people who wear their hearts on their sleeves are considered 'troublesome'.

I think people don't realise that, using a blunt knife has a higher risk of injury. Just an irrelevant statement to end this.

I asked for a pocket knife when I was 10. My parents still think I'm joking.

P.S. It hurts my pride. To say I'm being blunt, not vulnerably honest sounds better.