Scatteredfafa

Ending scene from the movie Background music:  Exile-Taylor Swift and Bon Iver I twist the ring on my finger nervously. A new ring,a sophisticated wedding ring. Not the ring she gave me when we were kids. I can feel its unfamiliar edges, encircling my finger a bit too tight, squeezing my heart. I continue ascending the rickety spiral stairs which I’ve bounded excitedly up so many times before. She, always in the front, me, right at her heels. “I would have followed you anywhere and everywhere”, a melancholy thought, weighing down every step and something inside me. I shrug it off, “This is right, this is what I want. I am happy now”, I said to myself absent-mindedly and put on a bright smile. When I reach the attic, it is more empty than usual. The trace of notes and scripts that used to be strewn everywhere on the floor has been covered up by a thin film of dust.   I can see a crumpled form covered under a blanket, sleeping on the worn-out couch by the attic window. I kno...

Everything is in pink. Love songs blare inside my brain as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. Sometimes I wonder whether my eyes turn into pulsating heart shaped balloons like in cartoons.  The cold and critical persona which I liked to wear is finally stripped and thrown away, revealing the true romantic and passionate person that I am. I am in love. And it's such a great feeling. I am in love with another human being. A human who glitches between being a boy and a man. When he is a boy,  I have the most adorable child with me and my heart would swell in promise to protect him from any evil and give him all the love I have. As a man, his eyes shine with kindness and his steps radiate courage, when our eyes lock, I swear my heart stops and whispers, 'He's superman'.  This is better than winning the lottery. Having met him and then being loved by him, it feels like I've won the whole world. 

It feels as though I've stumbled through the months and have bewilderingly arrived at the last journey of the year. I'm having mixed feelings of excitement tinged with the ever present melancholy when the year comes to a close. Will I ever escape this sadness when things end? I doubt it.