Scatteredfafa

Ending scene from the movie Background music:  Exile-Taylor Swift and Bon Iver I twist the ring on my finger nervously. A new ring,a sophisticated wedding ring. Not the ring she gave me when we were kids. I can feel its unfamiliar edges, encircling my finger a bit too tight, squeezing my heart. I continue ascending the rickety spiral stairs which I’ve bounded excitedly up so many times before. She, always in the front, me, right at her heels. “I would have followed you anywhere and everywhere”, a melancholy thought, weighing down every step and something inside me. I shrug it off, “This is right, this is what I want. I am happy now”, I said to myself absent-mindedly and put on a bright smile. When I reach the attic, it is more empty than usual. The trace of notes and scripts that used to be strewn everywhere on the floor has been covered up by a thin film of dust.   I can see a crumpled form covered under a blanket, sleeping on the worn-out couch by the attic window. I kno...

Everything is in pink. Love songs blare inside my brain as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. Sometimes I wonder whether my eyes turn into pulsating heart shaped balloons like in cartoons.  The cold and critical persona which I liked to wear is finally stripped and thrown away, revealing the true romantic and passionate person that I am. I am in love. And it's such a great feeling. I am in love with another human being. A human who glitches between being a boy and a man. When he is a boy,  I have the most adorable child with me and my heart would swell in promise to protect him from any evil and give him all the love I have. As a man, his eyes shine with kindness and his steps radiate courage, when our eyes lock, I swear my heart stops and whispers, 'He's superman'.  This is better than winning the lottery. Having met him and then being loved by him, it feels like I've won the whole world. 

My favourite movie is Little Women. I read the book before I watched the movie, and I love the storyline so much just as it is, but Little Women (2019) by Greta Gerwig catapulted the story to a whole new level, adding on modern twists of feminism and giving us a satisfying ending. It's my comfort movie. Sometimes I just watch my favourite scenes, just to remind myself I'm not alone in feeling the way I feel. I strongly urge everyone to watch it, starring Emma Watson, Timothee Chalamet and Saoirse Ronan and all the other actors are wonderful as well.  The storyline is simple, nothing exciting, but it's definitely not boring. Centering around the four March sisters and the boy next door, taking us through their childhood and stepping into adulthood. It's relatable, we all go through the same threshold, saying goodbye to childhood. But like Jo, it's more difficult for me to move on, and it's comforting to know Jo feels the same way. Although she's fictional, th...

One of the sweetest scenes I've ever watched I watched this movie because it's suggested as a love story between an INFP and ENFJ. I love 90s movies. Notting Hill, My Girl, 10 things I hate about you, When Harry Met Sally, 13 going 30 etc. I've watched them all,I don't know why I've never heard of this movie, but I'm happy to have something new to watch. I don't know anyone else who I can have a 90s movie marathon with, it's really sad. I can't quite put my finger on the difference between old movies and now, there's just this classical element in old movies which just makes them valuable and meaningful. Maybe it's the dialogue or the originality of the plot. I love the 90s fashion! The movies now are just full of sex and weird. I digress.  What I love most about this movie is their conversation. Nothing exciting really happens in the movie. It's just them talking and walking around Venice. The chemistry is blinding. From the beginning to...

Just watched the news, it's heartbreaking to see the devastating condition we are in. We can cry and we can be angry, but we must never lose hope. We must do the best we can with the bitter lemons thrown at us. We have to focus on things that matter in life and appreciate every little thing that is good. Be kinder and more thoughtful of others. Care more, it doesn't hurt. Be there for someone who needs you. Make someone laugh, make sure they know you're there for them.  Because right now, everyone could use with a little love and laughter.

I've finished 11 seasons of Modern Family. What am I supposed to do with my life now? *SOBS Modern Family tells the story of 3 extended family. Jay and his young wife, Gloria with her son, Manny. Claire and her husband, Phill with their three children, Hailey, Alex and Luke. Mitch and Cam with their adopted daughter, Lily. Mitch and Claire are Jay's children.  I don't get obssessed with TV series and I have the bad habit of skipping or increasing playback speed when I watch something, but this is the only one show that I savoured every single second and paused when I'm getting food. As per the title of the show, it shows an unconventional family set up. Gays, age-gap and young parents.  The best thing I love about this show is their relationship. They have a family bond that I'm very envious of and they are the depiction of the American Dream. Although they can be chaotic at times, arguing and trying to avoid family gatherings, they still love each other and at the ...

No spoilers. It will take too long.  To be honest, I used to be a sceptic of anime, but I appreciate beautiful things, and even though I do agree anime can be aesthetically pleasing, their movies never appealed much to me. Firstly, because I don't like japanese language, I just don't like the sound of it. Secondly, I don't like the lack of diversity and the perfection that seem to be portrayed in anime. Understandibly, it's their uniqueness and very much culture related, but if it bothers me, I am allowed to not love it. Anyways, I am one who's willing to try out new things, and my friends have talked about it enough that I'm intrigued. Unexpectedly, about 15 minutes into the movie, regret has already caught up with me for not watching this sooner. What do I love most about the movie? The storyline and of course the artistic pleasure. I've watched the trailer and thought I had an inkling of what the movie was about but I was set for a surprise, and I enjoyed...

(AcousticTrench) My heart melts everytime I see her. Now when I watch the videos, I cry. Such an angel. There's a youtube channel called 'Acoustic Trench'  where a talented musician bless us with videos of him playing the guitar, sometimes the kalimba or the harp with his dog by his side. The first video I watched was him playing 'Can't help falling in love with you' on the kalimba and Maple was in the background enjoying the windy day, with maple leaves strewn all over the grass. It immediately gained me as a subscriber.  On a random day(yesterday), I randomly sent a video of them that I was watching to my friend, and she told me Maple has passed away last week, it was posted on their instagram. It's now the second day of knowing that and I still can't believe it. Mapel was such an angel. I wish the human all the best. I'm going to miss Maple. If you want to cry, here's the video of the human playing 'What a Wonderful World' saying goo...

(Tortoise) Capturing the beauty I see through my eyes. Here is the link to the song - Late Night Melancholy . You should listen to it while you read this. I've never thought "hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmmmmm, hmm" would be my favourite song, but it is, and I'm writing to say how much I love it. I wish I could listen to this song on the train. Everytime I'm listening to the song (which is 24 hours since it's on loop non-stop in my mind), I imagine myself as a swaying tree with flowers snowing down or a drugged hippie in my own world. It fills me up with melancholy as its name promises. Sometimes the 'tearful and life is meaningless' kind of melancholy, and sometimes the 'everything happens for a reason and I'm where I'm meant to be' kind of melancholy. It makes me miss people, the ones I knew and strangers I don't even know. I hate it but love it at the same time. I guess I'm addicted to being sad for no obvious reasons, crying is catha...

(Pinterest) A love story about divorce. Some scenes were very hard for me to watch or understand. I wanted to yell and judge both of them but the single and self-consciously naive me would shush me. The divorce in this movie is certainly complex, or are all divorces this way? I thought it was just a final showdown for two people who hate each other leaving a mess for the children. I did not expect divorce could be a narrative of romance. Charlie and Nicole clearly love each other very much. I really do blame the lawyers. I really hated the lawyers. They keep pushing them to hate each other and assume the worst of the other. They 'advise' them to make deadly strikes when they say they don't want to. I hated Nicole at some point. Why does she have to get a lawyer? They decided to end their marriage without one and nothing changed that such a need arose. The court room scene was the hardest thing for me to watch. They clearly feel embarassed and guilty to put each other throug...

(Pinterest) Titanic was not a love story, it was a tragedy.  It happened in 1912, even older than World War 2. So many tragedies happened since time immemorial. So why do I find this history... fascinating? Like everyone else, I came to know about Titanic through the movie and when Mr Bean played with his toy boat in the bath. The story of Jack and Rose romanticised the tragedy but I think it's a good way to bring awareness to the history. Although it's one of my favourite movies, the real story behind the ship that sank on its maiden voyage, is the one which held me captive.  There's probably nothing mysterious, what happened has been explained. The Titanic hit an iceberg where the impact caused a gash in the hull and the compartments flooded. There was insufficient lifeboats and many were not loaded to full capacity due to panic and disorder, but even if there was efficient evacuation conducted, the lifeboats were still not enough to save all the passengers. Although this...

"If you  don't  heal  from what  hurt you ,  you ' ll bleed  on people who didn't cut  you ." – Tamara Kulish. Have you ever felt like a lumpy piece of rag doll? Angry and depressed at the same time? So hurt that all you want to do is hurt other people. You don't actually want to hurt them, you just want them to understand how you feel  or simply to have someone punished in the hope to ease the pain. A used, filty, torn rag doll. Have you ever lashed out or did something horribly wrong to someone out of anger at yourself or someone else? The guilt afterwards which you try to suppress by convincing yourself that you were not wrong, they crossed the line by not understanding but you knew you were just punishing them for something entirely not their fault. It's embarassing and hard to admit, but I've been there. Just like the lion from the story 'Androcles and The Lion'. A lion who roared at everyone because it was in agony from a thorn embedded i...