Scatteredfafa

I've been incredibly busy and overwhelmed. With my sister's 21st birthday coming up, personal projects and school, I find myself locked and tied, yet again. Some heavy anchors and locks, some ribbons and heart strings. They said life would get easier, you'll have time to be who you are one day. I thought one day the sacrifices and regrets would make sense. But 5 years later, I only realised, life doesn't get easier, you only get stronger and most of the time, good things don't come twice. Sometimes the only thing you can do is move on from mistakes when you find yourself repeating them over and over again.  I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I'm just itching to write something, anything at all. It's no secret that I have a problem with commitment and hence all the short stories that I never finish because my mind is buzzing with too many ideas. I'd post the half-hearted writings, maybe finish them someday.  Dear readers, I need t...

'Begonia' is a type of flower symbolising caution, bringing with it ominous warnings of grave dangers and horrible consequences.  Dull colours and dire opening monologue, foretelling us this is for those who have been touched by sadness: everyone. It's the kind of movie that leaves you floating on the ocean, surrounded by your own feelings which threatens drown you when the closing song plays and you're still stuck in the movie long after it ends. There's a similarity with japanese anime especially Studio Ghibli's 'Spirited Away' but it's actually a Chinese animated fantasy movie. Before credits can be given to the movie itself, the story behind the birth of this presumed unlikely success, is enough to draw an oviation. It took more than a decade to produce this movie, with meager finance and powered by just a few people with nothing but talent and a dream. Perfection does not bloom overnight. The sky beneath the sea is gloomy and it domes over the ...

I miss life before this nightmare. I've compromised the 'new normal' which requires face masks in public and wired my brain into not standing too close to people, but now we are thrown back into isolation, and it's driving me crazy.  I'm immensely grateful that I get to cower in a comfortable home and wait out the 'war'. But it's getting depressing and not doing anything to help the situation fills me up with guilt and I feel ashamed to even feel what I feel, let alone express it. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Some days I remember that life needs to go on and to focus on the things I can control and appreciate life, but some days I cannot find the will to get up from bed to face another day of bad news. It's a loop of dejected sighs seeing the rise in numbers and self pep talks to maintain the hope that things will get better. It's tiring to get up each day just to trip again and again, wondering when it will ever end. I cannot se...

I had a video call with a close friend for more than 2 hours and then jumped from one chat box to the other. I was only talking to a few people on the same day, and now I'm ready to slam every door I can find and ask the whole world to shut up. Really dramatic. I don't know how people do this. I've seen my sisters' chat boxes and how she's always on the phone, the amount of notifications alone is enough to give me anxiety.  I love my family and friends, I really do, but catching up can be so tiring! Socialising for too long switches on my bitch mode (Okay, bitchier mode). In real life, I would just stare at everyone without saying anything, being passive aggresive, now I just ignore people. Do I feel bad for being like that? I do. But I can't help it. I get so angry I don't even want to look at the people I'm with. Sometimes I think I only enjoy reading text messages from people, anecdotes of what they've been up to, but I don't like replying. I...

As per the title, yes, in a span of one week, I've managed to sprain my wrist and my ankle. I wish I am joking.  It happened like every other unfortunate tragedies, sudden and unexpected, with a surpressed 'WHAT THE FUCK'. I was jogging since it's the only workout I can do while my wrist is healing, and my ankle decided to fall on a different angle. Luckily, I wasn't running too fast or daydreaming too far away, my intuition kicked in quickly to right the angle. After few moments of shocked disbelief, I stood by the roadside, tentatively testing my ankle and having ensured myself it wasn't too bad, I walked home. My mum was hysterical.  But still, despite the uncomfortable mild pain and the need to cancel many of my plans, I'm so grateful that I can still limp around and use my hands. Things could have been so much worse. Really grateful. Appreciate all the time you're not in pain. Go workout, jump around, don't just sit the whole day, use your limbs...

I sprained my right wrist.  I'm right-handed. Stupid.  It has been a few days since I woken up and found my right wrist too tender to be normal. It was similar to a baby's neck, needing support to prevent it from hanging backwards, snapping right off. Slight movement came with a pain I've gotten familiar with from multiple past injuries. I knew I was screwed.  Problem is, I don't remember what I have done to cause such an injury. Surely I would have noticed if my muscles and tendons, or whatever you call it, were strained beyond their capabilities; but no, the mystery of my injury is still unsolved, and my mum blames it on everything especially my laptop cause I've been typing so much.  I would not have told my family, but not being able to wash my plates or tie my hair sort of gave me away. I still can type with my wrist resting on the laptop through sheer stubborness, chat with friends, watch movies and read books, but I still couldn't do many things and it wa...