Scatteredfafa

Two best friends laid horizontally across the bed, with their legs up against the wall and their hair fanning around them. The occasional sound of lonely cars racing along the dark highway outside, reminding them time has not stopped during their pensiveness. The silence between them was understanding and comfortable, an invisible message hanging in the air: "I'm here for you".  Telulah turned her head to the left and looked at Fiona, who was so still as if she was holding her breath, afraid to disturb the peaceful night. She poked her friend's face, relieved that she was still alive.  "If I'm ever reborn, not that I would want to come to this goddamn world again, I want to be a dog", Telulah said with a deadpan expression, her voice croaking a little at the start. Her delicate eyelashes still wet and crumpled from the weight of her overflown tears. Fiona, continued staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars scattered on the ceiling, afraid to look at her fri...

Both my aunt and uncle were getting vaccinated yesterday and they asked me for a favour to babysit my cousins. I have to admit I was more thrilled than I allowed myself to show. I've always wanted the alone time to torture them. HAHAHA. I was there by 7.30am. My cousins were still sleeping and I had some quiet alone time to read. I was about to fall asleep again when I heard little twinkling sounds of my little cousin's ankle bracelet. Like a zombie, with her eyes half closed and hair tousled, she stumbled drunkenly to a corner and just squatted there. It was weird but she has always been weird and quiet, so I just went back reading and let her 'sober up'. But after a few minutes, I finally noticed something was wrong, she looked guilty and too silent. I walked towards her and asked her what was wrong (as if I expected an answer), that was when I saw the pool of water she was drenched in. In hindsight, I should have noticed something was wrong My reflex action was to ca...

I miss life before this nightmare. I've compromised the 'new normal' which requires face masks in public and wired my brain into not standing too close to people, but now we are thrown back into isolation, and it's driving me crazy.  I'm immensely grateful that I get to cower in a comfortable home and wait out the 'war'. But it's getting depressing and not doing anything to help the situation fills me up with guilt and I feel ashamed to even feel what I feel, let alone express it. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Some days I remember that life needs to go on and to focus on the things I can control and appreciate life, but some days I cannot find the will to get up from bed to face another day of bad news. It's a loop of dejected sighs seeing the rise in numbers and self pep talks to maintain the hope that things will get better. It's tiring to get up each day just to trip again and again, wondering when it will ever end. I cannot se...

I've finished 11 seasons of Modern Family. What am I supposed to do with my life now? *SOBS Modern Family tells the story of 3 extended family. Jay and his young wife, Gloria with her son, Manny. Claire and her husband, Phill with their three children, Hailey, Alex and Luke. Mitch and Cam with their adopted daughter, Lily. Mitch and Claire are Jay's children.  I don't get obssessed with TV series and I have the bad habit of skipping or increasing playback speed when I watch something, but this is the only one show that I savoured every single second and paused when I'm getting food. As per the title of the show, it shows an unconventional family set up. Gays, age-gap and young parents.  The best thing I love about this show is their relationship. They have a family bond that I'm very envious of and they are the depiction of the American Dream. Although they can be chaotic at times, arguing and trying to avoid family gatherings, they still love each other and at the ...

(AcousticTrench) My heart melts everytime I see her. Now when I watch the videos, I cry. Such an angel. There's a youtube channel called 'Acoustic Trench'  where a talented musician bless us with videos of him playing the guitar, sometimes the kalimba or the harp with his dog by his side. The first video I watched was him playing 'Can't help falling in love with you' on the kalimba and Maple was in the background enjoying the windy day, with maple leaves strewn all over the grass. It immediately gained me as a subscriber.  On a random day(yesterday), I randomly sent a video of them that I was watching to my friend, and she told me Maple has passed away last week, it was posted on their instagram. It's now the second day of knowing that and I still can't believe it. Mapel was such an angel. I wish the human all the best. I'm going to miss Maple. If you want to cry, here's the video of the human playing 'What a Wonderful World' saying goo...

At the start of quarantine, I was thrilled to be able to do online classes. It meant I don't need to socialise, don't need to face terrible humans or be stucked in traffic jams which I could feel sucking the life out of me. (Pinterest) Me in my fluffy bath robe and 150ml of wine for the antioxidants every other night. Time passed, online classes for my final year in University has come to an end, and we are still stuck in quarantine. Again. To be honest, I'm starting to get.... lonely. A sign confirming that I am human with social needs. There goes any hope of me getting notified that I am actually a mermaid. I have caring friends and a loving family, but I still feel lonely sometimes. It confuses me too. I talk to my family everyday but sometimes I just feel this pang of emptiness. My friends seem to be living busy and fulfilled lives that I'm always scared I might be talking too much (which I know is absurd). I'm always alone in my room and although I love being f...