Loneliness In The Pandemic

-

At the start of quarantine, I was thrilled to be able to do online classes. It meant I don't need to socialise, don't need to face terrible humans or be stucked in traffic jams which I could feel sucking the life out of me.

(Pinterest)
Me in my fluffy bath robe and 150ml of wine for the antioxidants every other night.


Time passed, online classes for my final year in University has come to an end, and we are still stuck in quarantine. Again. To be honest, I'm starting to get.... lonely. A sign confirming that I am human with social needs. There goes any hope of me getting notified that I am actually a mermaid.


I have caring friends and a loving family, but I still feel lonely sometimes. It confuses me too. I talk to my family everyday but sometimes I just feel this pang of emptiness. My friends seem to be living busy and fulfilled lives that I'm always scared I might be talking too much (which I know is absurd). I'm always alone in my room and although I love being free from social media, sometimes I wonder what my friends are up too, and I can't get rid of this feeling that I'm missing out. I don't even know what, I have so many interesting hobbies and inside jokes with my own reflection. I don't always feel this way, I'm usually perfectly happy doing my own things but when I do feel like this, I feel stuck all alone in a dark suffocating place. And I have this distorted sense of being abandoned.


I have a lot of things to do but they don't distract me enough. Studying doesn't take loneliness away. Sure, there's a lot of books to read, movies to watch and many hobbies that can be done alone but some days, I wake up and I really just want to go out and see other human beings.

(Pinterest)

I miss socialising and it took losing it to realise what I've lost. I didn't know that those few hours being in classes and seeing other living things while dining out were actually keeping me emotionally healthy.


I can't stand loneliness but I like to be left alone. Can you relate?

(Pinterest)


I love to carve my mind into words, to trace my heart on paper. Here, to type as my voice sings inside my head. Embarking on an adventure of self acceptance, self love, self improvement and soul searching. I wish to share it, the ups and downs. Perhaps I could inspire someone to finally start their overdue pilgrimage, or to be a friend to someone who is on the same hike. Expect personal stories, lessons learned, controversial opinions, fanfictions, honest reviews and emotional rants. You can call me Tortoise! FUN FACTS ABOUT ME: *Age:23 (still as confuse as ever!) *Zodiac sign:Cancer *Personality: INFP-T *Goodreads:https://www.goodreads.com/tortoiseteoh

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monologue: Rambling about Hobbies and Adventures

-
Image
(weheartit.com) (The Hobbit) I like quiet solitude. The nights I'm alone, locked in my room, reading or solving puzzles. I have more hobbies than reasonable to have and a ferocious appetite to find more games or interesting skills to learn. It is an innate sense of mine to be Jack of all lanterns but master of none.  I desire to be a polymath, everything intrigues me, but I'm perfectly aware that I do not have the patience nor the talent to be highly skilled or excel in anything which distinguishes myself from the mundane. I imagine myself a butterfly, fluttering around every vibrant flowers, yet never stay too long or too short on any. I understand that despite the sky being the limit to available options, I am bound by my own wings and mortality. There is no use being unrealistic but revert to stoic acceptance that I can salvage what I can, and ignore what I can't. Having spent ample amount of time on self-reflection, I have come to the realisation that I'm like a Hob...
Read more

Movie Review: Marriage Story

-
Image
(Pinterest) A love story about divorce. Some scenes were very hard for me to watch or understand. I wanted to yell and judge both of them but the single and self-consciously naive me would shush me. The divorce in this movie is certainly complex, or are all divorces this way? I thought it was just a final showdown for two people who hate each other leaving a mess for the children. I did not expect divorce could be a narrative of romance. Charlie and Nicole clearly love each other very much. I really do blame the lawyers. I really hated the lawyers. They keep pushing them to hate each other and assume the worst of the other. They 'advise' them to make deadly strikes when they say they don't want to. I hated Nicole at some point. Why does she have to get a lawyer? They decided to end their marriage without one and nothing changed that such a need arose. The court room scene was the hardest thing for me to watch. They clearly feel embarassed and guilty to put each other throug...
Read more

Dreaming About My Future Life

-
I find my mind drifting to the future recently. Imagining the days I would have, the life that I wish I would lead. It's so fun decorating the house I have in my mind. It's like playing sims social or cafe story (My knowledge of games is limited). I would probably still stay here in my little town. I love my little town. The other place I might consider moving to is Ipoh, no explainable reasons. Maybe it's the rumours of good food or the excellent people I know who come from Ipoh. I actually love the current house I'm staying. My room is the best place in the world. But if my parents want to sell it and move back to their hometown, and my sisters are married, I'd want a small little apartment. Like those in F.R.I.E.N.D.S but I think that would be difficult or impossible to find here. It's not going to be minimalistic. Decorations would be everywhere, souvenirs and gifts from loved ones or places I've travelled to, all displayed in the living room. There woul...
Read more