Monologue: A Conversation Before Exams

-
I found this random piece of writing in my laptop. I wrote it while trying to calm down 15 minutes before the exams. The self pep talk sounds silly now, but it helped. I mentioned only one friend of mine because she was still trying to distract me 30 minutes before the exam. 
As I've always said, writing put things in perspective. 


Here you go, I'm going to leave it unedited. 

I am strong and powerful and I am not nervous at all. Exam is just a practice. It does not define who I am as a human being. I am smaart. I shall not let this break me. I can do this. I just need to pass. I don’t needto be spectacilar. Mundane is good. I love mysef. My family loves me. Shanhua loves me. I get to watch movies after this. It’s okay. I can get through this. Many people got through this. It is just part of life. There are more pressing things happening around the world. I am so lucky to be able to sit at home and have the luxury of stressing over things as insignificant as exams while people are worrying over their health or even having a roof over their heads. I need to be grateful and calm the shit down. This will not kill me. Whatever happens I will have a way out. Life gives us lemons, and it is what we do with it that counts. Failure is part of life not an end of it. I CAN DO THIS. I can sit through this 5 hours like it’s nothing. After this, I shall not need to ever study company law again. I can forget about Foss v Harbottle. Time flies very fast. Before I know it, this will all just be a memory. Exam is not everything. I can overcome this like many others who have. I am strong and what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger. Exams are not matter of life or death. It’s just exams. Its importance depends on you. The value it has can only be attached by you. Freedom is close by. Just like those few month of suffering moot, before you know it, it has ended.You don’t even remember the pain anymore. It’s just a distant memory now and this goes the same for exams. You have gone through so many exams, you’ve been nervous so many times, at this point, you already know you can survive this. Without bitter, you will still know sweet, but knowing bitter, you know how good sweet is. That doesn’t make sense but nevermine, you get it. This is just an exam, I repeat, this is just an exam. No one ever died from failing an exam. Your destiny is in your hands, not grades. They don’t determine your intelligence. You know you are smart. You should not believe in what school tells you who you are. They don’t know you.



I love to carve my mind into words, to trace my heart on paper. Here, to type as my voice sings inside my head. Embarking on an adventure of self acceptance, self love, self improvement and soul searching. I wish to share it, the ups and downs. Perhaps I could inspire someone to finally start their overdue pilgrimage, or to be a friend to someone who is on the same hike. Expect personal stories, lessons learned, controversial opinions, fanfictions, honest reviews and emotional rants. You can call me Tortoise! FUN FACTS ABOUT ME: *Age:23 (still as confuse as ever!) *Zodiac sign:Cancer *Personality: INFP-T *Goodreads:https://www.goodreads.com/tortoiseteoh

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monologue: Rambling about Hobbies and Adventures

-
Image
(weheartit.com) (The Hobbit) I like quiet solitude. The nights I'm alone, locked in my room, reading or solving puzzles. I have more hobbies than reasonable to have and a ferocious appetite to find more games or interesting skills to learn. It is an innate sense of mine to be Jack of all lanterns but master of none.  I desire to be a polymath, everything intrigues me, but I'm perfectly aware that I do not have the patience nor the talent to be highly skilled or excel in anything which distinguishes myself from the mundane. I imagine myself a butterfly, fluttering around every vibrant flowers, yet never stay too long or too short on any. I understand that despite the sky being the limit to available options, I am bound by my own wings and mortality. There is no use being unrealistic but revert to stoic acceptance that I can salvage what I can, and ignore what I can't. Having spent ample amount of time on self-reflection, I have come to the realisation that I'm like a Hob...
Read more

Movie Review: Marriage Story

-
Image
(Pinterest) A love story about divorce. Some scenes were very hard for me to watch or understand. I wanted to yell and judge both of them but the single and self-consciously naive me would shush me. The divorce in this movie is certainly complex, or are all divorces this way? I thought it was just a final showdown for two people who hate each other leaving a mess for the children. I did not expect divorce could be a narrative of romance. Charlie and Nicole clearly love each other very much. I really do blame the lawyers. I really hated the lawyers. They keep pushing them to hate each other and assume the worst of the other. They 'advise' them to make deadly strikes when they say they don't want to. I hated Nicole at some point. Why does she have to get a lawyer? They decided to end their marriage without one and nothing changed that such a need arose. The court room scene was the hardest thing for me to watch. They clearly feel embarassed and guilty to put each other throug...
Read more

Dreaming About My Future Life

-
I find my mind drifting to the future recently. Imagining the days I would have, the life that I wish I would lead. It's so fun decorating the house I have in my mind. It's like playing sims social or cafe story (My knowledge of games is limited). I would probably still stay here in my little town. I love my little town. The other place I might consider moving to is Ipoh, no explainable reasons. Maybe it's the rumours of good food or the excellent people I know who come from Ipoh. I actually love the current house I'm staying. My room is the best place in the world. But if my parents want to sell it and move back to their hometown, and my sisters are married, I'd want a small little apartment. Like those in F.R.I.E.N.D.S but I think that would be difficult or impossible to find here. It's not going to be minimalistic. Decorations would be everywhere, souvenirs and gifts from loved ones or places I've travelled to, all displayed in the living room. There woul...
Read more